Jack at 6:30am: “my shift is only 2 hours you’ll be asleep when i’m done” it is now 12:32pm and i want to rip my face off because i’m bored.
twiistz: i met a girl with 12 nipples sounds funny dozen tit
wartortles: if u are ever having trouble on a test, just write “jesus” for the answer bc jesus is always the answer. god bless
michaxl: oomshi: *asks ouija board what’s for dinner* *finger slides to the d*
ifyoucarryonthisway: i feel like hawaii doesnt even give one single shit about whats going on theyre just like are we even america whatever brah gotta go catch this sick wave down on beach hakalouilouitatamikilikiouha
formermaleprostitute: just a friendly reminder that you don’t have to justify your taste in music, movies, or books to anyone and if certain people make you feel bad or ashamed over stuff you like you should probably just tell them to fuck off ◕ ◡ ◕
sherwat: chrissykilljoybitchtits: inc-omparable: im-fandoomed: hitlervevo: why the fuck cant we text the police lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you Here in Canada you can Here in England we just… scream and run Here in Scotland we paint our...
morristibbs: IF SOMEONE IS SCARED OF SPIDERS OR BUGS DONT FUCKING PICK ONE UP AND WALK TOWARDS THEM WITH IT YOU ARENT FUCKING FUNNY YOU’RE A GODDAMN ASSHOLE
pityreblogs: sweat is just your body crying because it wants you to stop moving
croutoncat: The year is 2070, and famous musician Justin Timberlake has just died. People all over the world start crying, it’s a global catastrophe, but soon something emerges. An entire lake of human tears, spanning all the way across the Americas, has been formed. Justin Timberlake’s dream of someone ‘Crying him a river’ has been finally fulfilled, he can now rest in peace.
dylanobylan: i’m glad we don’t have To hunt for our food any more.. i don’t even know where Sandwiches live
e-n-o: *shy but actually a sex freak*
beyoncebeytwice: i still dont know what rolling in the deep even means
lolsofunny: it’s weird how being a pussy is weak and having balls means you’re tough i mean punch me in the uterus and i will be fine i’m used to that shit once a month come at me but if i kick you in the balls you are down my man you are down hard
assbutt-of-asgard: imagine if you could telepathically make people orgasm you could make their lives really awkward
cowboybeboop: viste: cowboybeboop: reblog if u were on tumblr before yahoo bought it IT’S LITERALLY BEEN LIKE A DAY AND WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO ACHIEVE WITH THIS POST only a true tumblrite would understand. you just outed yourself as a yahooligan
brvdleysoileau: how is “slut” even an insult wtf get that dick grl
cornchipz: you wanna know what else is cute? MOTHERFUCKING SLOWBASAUR
madturbating: today in theater someone asked my friend if he was pro gay and he was like “im not pro gay but im not amateur gay either”
all time low on twitter
Alex: selfie, drunk selfie, 2 am tweet that makes no sense
Jack: dick joke, reply to everyone I follow but me
Rian: CASSADEE ILY
Zack: AMERRICKAN CLOTHES BUY AMERRICKAN CLOTHES, 20% OFF TODAY ONLY.
Jorah: Khaleesi, don't do the thing.
Dany: I, Daenerys Stormborn, of House Targaryen, the Unburnt Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, did the thing.